


Dean and Cas Attempt the Dirty

by chronic_earwax



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad attempt at sexing, Clarence (sort of), Destiel - Freeform, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 13:59:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18757846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chronic_earwax/pseuds/chronic_earwax
Summary: This is my very first fan fiction ever! Cas and Dean attempt to get it on and it does not go as planned; but that's ok, sometimes life is like a single chest hair, just waiting to be tugged on.I own nothing but my own warped brain.





	Dean and Cas Attempt the Dirty

“Oh baby, that’s it, just let me…” Dean trailed off as he ran his hand up the leg of Cas’s cheap polyester slacks, resulting in a discharge of static when Cas reached down and grabbed his bare shoulder to anchor himself with. “Son of a bitch!” Dean yelped, falling backward onto his ass on the floor. Cas looked down at him with his head tilted slightly to the side, a confused look on his face.

“Dean? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean mumbled, embarrassed, as he got up and climbed onto the bed. “Just take your damn pants off already and come here.” He leaned over to turn on the bedside radio, remembering something he’d read in a three year old Cosmo magazine at the health clinic the last time Sam had forced him to get tested. Something about romance and making the first time special. Now that Dean finally had Cas in his bedroom, he didn’t want to fuck it up. Chuck knows they’d spent enough years dancing around this, he was finally ready to get the show on the road.

The bed dipped and Dean rolled back over to see Cas sitting hesitantly down, looking anxious and still wearing his button down, tie, underwear and socks. At Dean’s pointed look and cocked eyebrow he said, “what? I took my pants off, just like you asked.”

Dean smothered a groan at the angel’s literal interpretation of his instructions, fishing a bottle of lube out of the bedside drawer. He grinned cockily at Cas and reached to finish undressing him, but Cas pulled back slightly. “Can we,” he cast his eyes about the room for a moment before getting up the nerve to finish, “turn the lamp off? Please?”

Dean felt slightly taken aback by the request and hesitated. Looking was half the fun of sex, but of course Cas was new to this and might not know that. Sometimes insecure one night stands preferred the lights off too, and while it was a slight disappointment to him, he guessed sex in the dark was better than no sex, and might even could eventually lead to sex with the lights on later.

“Sure,” he said, reaching to flick the lamp off while the opening strains of Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin filled the room. Perfect, he thought, pulling Cas to his chest and searching out his lips while feeling his way toward unbuttoning and disrobing him.

“Ow, Dean, that’s my nipple hair. Stop tugging on it.”

“Really? I didn’t even think you HAD chest hair!”

“Well I have one and you’re pulling on it right now.”

“Sorry.”

“Maybe you should tell Clarence you’re sorry.” Dean could practically hear the corners of Cas's lips turn up and imagined the cheeky grin on his face.

Dean stilled, then smiled against Cas’s throat while tonguing at his Adam's Apple. “You named your one chest hair Clarence?” He felt Cas nod. “So when Meg calls you Clarence…”

“Yes, she’s actually talking to my chest hair. It amuses me that she has no idea.”

Dean smothered his laughter in Cas’s neck. He should have known the angel would have had some sense of humor, no matter how odd. The song changed on the radio and Dean renewed his efforts to get both of them naked to the tune of Boston’s More Than a Feeling, even substituting "Castiel" for "Marianne" as he hummed along.

“Are you….serenading me, Dean?”

“Maybe,” Dean responded, muffled by fabric. “Did you superglue your socks on or something? For the love of...oh forget it, you’ll just have to keep them on. I’m horny, let’s get this started already!”

And with that he swallowed the cock that had previously been poking him in the eye. He heard a moan from above him, and felt hands in his hair as he sucked and licked and tried to remember what he liked while getting a blow job. How did girls make this seem so easy?! Suck, hum, lick, relax, stroke...was he forgetting something? Finally Cas spoke.

“Dean?” he whispered hesitantly. “Is this supposed to be so….bitey?”

Dean pulled off. “Hm? Oh, sorry. This is harder than it looks man! You wanna just, like, get to the sex now or what?”

He was really really hoping for the sex, he didn’t even care who topped, but he didn’t dare be pushy about it. Cas paused for a long second.

“Will teeth be involved?”

Dean snort-laughed, immediately embarrassed by the noise he'd just made and tweaked a (nearly) hairless nipple to hopefully distract Cas from how unmanly he'd just sounded.

“No, no teeth. Why don’t we just rub off this time and save sex for later?”

“I like that idea,” Cas whispered shyly, and Dean crawled back up his body to claim him in a kiss while wrapping his hand around both their cocks. As he began stroking, Cas began to moan and Dean preened a little inside at being able to wring those beautiful noises out of his angel. Then Cas hissed and jerked.

“Dean! I thought you said there would be no more teeth!”

Dean stilled, confused, trying to figure out what might have hurt. Oh! His ring! It must have snagged something sensitive.

“Fuck, Cas, I am so sorry. Let me take this off and we’ll try again.” He moved to set the ring on the bedside table but Cas rolled over away from him with an air of annoyance.

“Can we just watch TV now? My penis hurts.” He sounded a little wounded and Dean felt terrible.

“Yeah, sure, baby. Anything you want.” He switched the lamp back on and turned the radio off. “I really hate that song, “ he mumbled as the dying strains of Asia’s Heat of the Moment faded. “Creeps me out for some reason.”

He handed Cas the remote and retrieved both pairs of boxers off the floor, tossing one pair toward the slightly grumpy looking man. After he pulled his on, he climbed under the covers and spooned up against Cas, telling himself it didn't really count as spooning since he didn't get laid. He was just...trying to warm up. Yeah, that was it, he thought as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. Cas stared at him speculatively with a glimmer in his eyes and amusement oozing off him. He better not be reading my mind again, Dean thought crankily, and then decided what the hell, better to have his angel inside his head than no angel at all. Cas could root around in his brain all he wanted, but if he was looking for deep thoughts and revelations, he was going to be mighty disappointed. But classic cars, rock music, and the best cheeseburgers in every state? Bingo!

Cas looked delighted at being given control of the remote for the evening and Dean had a sudden epiphany that he was whipped and it actually didn't suck, not when it was with the right partner. Cas's eyes crinkled up into a sweet smile and he leaned over to kiss Dean lightly on the lips. Yep, definitely reading my mind, Dean thought. Well, enjoy slumming in there, buddy!

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure all this out eventually,” Dean whispered as he kissed Cas back, reaching up to tug gently on Clarence. “I’m just glad you’re mine now.”

Cas grinned back at him, his blue eyes lighting up his face. “As am I, Dean. Now I want to watch this 3 hour documentary on underwater basket weaving; Sam suggested it earlier, said you’d really like it.”

Dean thought he could hear laughter from Sam’s room. Time to put Nair in someone's shampoo bottle again.


End file.
